Being a father is hard

We look at our decisions and wonder if they were right for ourselves and for our children. I stopped consulting and started working full time again in March. It has definitely changed the dynamics of my interactions with my children. What used to be bringing them to school and picking them up has turned into a marathon every morning to get them to school and a sprint at night to get a glimpse of them before bed. My former U.S. Open prodigy hadn’t touched a racket for seven months until a trip to Costa Rica refueled her desire to start up again, but I still don’t know how we can manage it. My son has a new school that asked for volunteers consistently – welcome to public school- and my ex wife wonders how we can attain more income to supplement what is now two households of expenses.

My biggest fear was that my full-time work role would obliterate not only my connection to my kids but also their ability to enjoy all that Nyc has to offer. It’s really the only reason to live in such an expensive city. Last month my was wife and I realized we were missing a lot of items and events and needed to create a calendar and split up the plethora of activities our kids are involved in. Hoping that google calendar will help.

In the end it is good to get that steady paycheck – but a raise would be greatly appreciated- and the camaraderie of coworkers, but I feel like I leave my kids a little short handed. It all comes to a head when I come home to see them and they react as if I had been gone on a months long quest or when my son begs to sleep over my house on my off nights. I have a heart, it’s not made of stone. Or when my sons teacher asks why we haven’t reacted to messages she has sent via email or when we missed a school friends party. I sometimes compensate by not being a strict disciplinarian because I feel guilt for not always being around… But I know in my head that it is not a long term or productive solution.

Eventually I will get the balance between work and family just right, but for now I am just swimming hard and not making much progress.

Because everyday is an adventure day- but it doesn’t have to be hard

So you are asking what is this blog and why did I decide to start it? So I am sitting in karate watching my son doing his form and acting like the karate kid at 930 in the morning on a Saturday after I was out on the previous night on a date talking to another dad. He was explaining to me about a great event that he brought his kids to upstate that my kids might also think is awesome. In the midst of his explanation he told me how hard it was to keep up with his kids and he couldn’t believe he survived a day alone with his two children. I then had recent conversations with some married women who tell me that they are afraid to leave their kids alone with their husbands for more than an hour. So they feel overwhelmed because they never get a break from their own children because they can’t trust trust leaving them with their dads. WTF? I mean, my Dad was not the most maternal dude in the wold, and he couldn’t cook worth a damn, but my mom wasn’t afraid to leave me and my brother with him for a few hours or an entire day. Well she was more afraid that we might be punished for the rest of our life after spending a day with our Dad because he didn’t take any mess.

I would have to say the best outcome for my kids when me and my wife got divorced was that it allowed our kids to get personal one-on-one time with each individual parent. A lot of times we spend so much time catering to the children as a unit we don’t take the time to cater to them as individuals. The second positive outcome was that it allowed me and my ex to also get private time for ourselves without the children. This also included vacations. My ex states that she has the greatest babysitter in the world when she wants to go on an extended vacation out of the country. It take great pride that I am so involved in my kids lives and find new and exciting things for them to do on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis.

One of the pillars of my interaction with my children is something we like to call, “Adventure Day”. Every Saturday we try and find a new part of the city or the world to explore and try new things. This could mean a new restaurant, new food, activity or institution. There are only four rules for Adventure Day and they are: Listen, Try, Be Polite, and HAVE FUN! So I wanted to share a lot of these experiences with other mothers and fathers as they think of cool things they can do with their kids during the course of the day or the week or the month. Especially for the fathers out there who think that it is difficult to get out there with their kids. Trust me these are memories that will sustain your kids for their lives (yes, Dad, I remember the drives to the catholic school with my friends in the Toyota Celica, and our Boy Scout trips vividly) and will make you feel good about your time with them as well. The best part you will give their mother a well deserved break and private time that will be paid forward in ways I can’t explain in a family oriented blog (LOL).

My goal is to make this not only a blog about my experiences, but also a resource for cool books, events, music, movies, etc. that we can all share with our children as Dads (even moms!). So I hope you enjoy the photos, videos, discussions, polls, and feel free to comment as much as possible to this blog. My intention is for Dad’s to share their experiences and feel good about being an ACTIVE part of their kid’s lives whether they live in your house or down the block or across the country.

Thank you for reading and I look forward to a wonderful and exciting ADVENTURE with each and everyone one of you.

Frantz